Sometimes, my mind is sharp and ready for an argument; sometimes, the gears turn, the neurons fire, the logic floods at blinding speeds, and I can disarm another person and justify my position without ever blinking.
Other times, my brain feels like there’s a nice, warm blanket wrapped around it, and I can’t process things, I can’t think clearly even if I wanted to. My brain actively decides to become mush, and that’s that.
The thing is the Mushy Brain phases aren’t terribly unpleasant- they feel good, especially to someone used to experiencing anxiety and something called minority stress.
The trouble is that the Mushy Brain phases are dangerous. They’re a false sense of security and affect my critical thinking skils. Suddenly survival becomes based more in instinct and emotion and reactions.
Sometimes, I’m just tired. I spent the weekend dealing with stomach cramps that came out of nowhere one night and threatened to destroy my intestines. What does it feel like to have 30 demons clawing viciously inside of your abdomen? Well, it’s unpleasant. And it tires you out. Monday arrives, and here I am, and I just want to sleep even though I have things that I need to accomplish; yes, I’ve got shit to do.
Migraines are the same way. They last just long enough to break my spirit and take my energy, leaving me to fight to recover the next few days.
So my empathy is out here for people who deal with physical ailments and make it out to wherever they’re going, whether school, work, church, or otherwise.
My empathy is out there for people who have Clear Brains and can think clearly most of the time. I damned sure can’t.